


i'm out of my league once again

by justwannabeafangirl



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, they're oblivious dorks okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 03:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15699255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justwannabeafangirl/pseuds/justwannabeafangirl
Summary: Jeremy and Michael take SQUIPs for each other without realizing that they both already love each other just as they are.Title: "Out of My League" by Stephen Speaks (one of the most beautiful songs ever)





	i'm out of my league once again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rosmarine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosmarine/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I have only listened to the soundtrack, so my knowledge of canon is based solely on the music and the few extra details I know about. But this goes way far away from canon anyway, so that doesn't really matter.
> 
> Thank you thank you to rosmarine for being my favowite person and for putting up with my constant lack of chill. This fic (and my life in general) is better because of you.
> 
> Her fics are some of the best I've ever read, and I highly recommend them if you haven't read them already!! And if you have, read them again. They never get old.

**** Jeremy Heere was a loser. He knew it, and everyone else knew it. And just in case he ever forgot it, the other kids at school made sure to remind him. Every. Fucking. Day.

“Hey, Jeremy,” Rich Goranski would say as Jeremy took his books out of his locker. “You’re a loser.” He’d shove his head into the locker with a smile.

That asshole wasn’t anything if not consistent.

There was one person, one pure beacon of light that got Jeremy through the endless school days, and his name was Michael Mell. They’d been best friends since their first day of school at age five; Jeremy had seen Michael playing with a Pikachu plushie and asked if he could join in, pulling his Squirtle plushie out of his sweatshirt pocket. And the rest, as they say, was history.

“Hey, dude!” Michael said with a smile, unusual for a dreary New Jersey Monday morning, but welcome all the same. “Got you a slushee. Sev’ Elev’ had a buy-one-get-one sale today.”

Jeremy accepted the bright red slushee from Michael’s cold hand with a smile to match his best friend’s. “Thanks, man, I really needed a pick-me-up today.” He took a sip, the artificial cherry flavor filling his mouth and tickling his taste buds.

“Anytime, bro,” Michael replied, backing smoothly out of Jeremy’s driveway. The theme song of Michael’s favorite anime show played softly through the speakers of his PT Cruiser as they sat in a comfortable silence, Michael driving and Jeremy sipping his slushee. They didn’t live far from Middleborough High School; Michael lived farther away but he passed Jeremy’s house every morning anyway, and given their close friendship, it only made sense for Michael to pick Jeremy up.

They arrived at school exactly fifteen minutes before the first bell, just like always. Jeremy got out of the car first, swinging his red backpack over his right shoulder. Michael followed suit, grabbing his blue slushee and locking his car before walking into school at Jeremy’s side. They headed down the hallway by the auditorium and towards the lockers they’d chosen next to each other at the start of the school year.

Jeremy couldn’t help but watch as Michael put up the hoodie of his favorite patch-covered red hoodie and stuffed his books into his backpack. He had his hair up in a headband today as he had taken to recently since his hair had grown out, but his hair was still sticking up in places. Jeremy found that his face heated up as Michael tried in vain to smooth it down. Jeremy had had a crush on Michael for over a year at that point, but he did everything he could to keep it a secret. As much as he loved Michael, both romantically and platonically, he knew he wasn’t good enough for him. And besides, even if he was, Jeremy would rather die than risk his friendship with Michael. Well, maybe not die. But it would take a lot to get Jeremy to neglect his best, and arguably his only, friendship.

“Dude, you’re blushing,” Michael said, dragging Jeremy back to the present. “What are you thinking about?Is something wrong? Or no, wait, do you have a crush on someone?” Michael waggled his eyebrows, and Jeremy couldn’t resist the temptation to elbow him. He didn’t say anything in response to Michael’s question, though.

“Well?” Michael prompted, his grip on his backpack tightening. “Do you?”

Jeremy felt his heart start to pound and his hands start to swear as panicked thoughts ran through his head. This was _not_ how he wanted his sexuality or his crush on Michael to come out. He glanced around the hallway, hoping for anything that could get him out of this mess.

The words were out of his mouth before he could think them. “Christine. Christine Canigula.”

“Christine?” Michael not-so-subtly scanned the crowd in the hallway, locating her a few moments later standing at the door to the auditorium talking to Mr. Reyes, the drama teacher. “Since when?”

“Since, uh…” Well, might as well keep this as truthful as possible. “Since last year, I guess.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “When have you even spoken to her?”

“We’ve had a couple classes together but that’s about it.”

“Hmm.” Something between a smirk and a smile spread across Michael’s lips. “You should sign up for the play.”

“I — What?” Jeremy’s eyes went wide.

“Look, you dork, she’s signing up for the play.” He nodded his chin toward the bulletin board where Christine was carefully signing her name on a sheet of paper in purple pen. “You should, too. That’s basically a guarantee that you’ll talk to her. Aren’t all theater kids, like, best friends?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” So against his better judgement, Jeremy walked up to the sign up sheet, grabbed the pen, and wrote his name on the line beneath Christine’s.

“Gay!” Jeremy flinched, spinning around to see Rich standing nearby, arms crossed, and Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, and Jake behind him laughing. Just like every other day.

“I like gay people,” Chloe muttered to herself, walking away with Jenna and Brooke on either side.

“It’ll be worth it in the end, buddy,” Michael said, resting his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder when he’d returned to his locker. “You’ll get Christine to like you back in no time. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy muttered, too distracted by Michael’s hand on his shoulder to think of something more clever to say.

 

— — —

 

Michael had had his SQUIP for about a week when Jeremy told him that he liked Christine.

He’d found out about the SQUIP from his older brother Ethan. He didn’t have one, or so he claimed, but he said he’d heard about it from people at school. Apparently it was a supercomputer in a pill that told you how to be “cool”. “Will it tell me how to get my crush to like me back?” Michael had asked.

“Sure,” Ethan had replied, gaze unmoving from the console and TV screen in front of him, and that was enough to convince Michael to buy one. He’d had to sell a few of his old video games to afford it, but he didn’t mind.

After all, he’d do anything for Jeremy Heere.

Ethan had told him he had to go to the Payless shoe store in the Menlo Park Mall to get one. So he did. He’d taken it that night with a few swigs of green Mountain Dew and since then, his SQUIP had been inhabiting the void in his head, the space behind his eyes.

It sounded like Brendon Urie, the guy from Panic! at the Disco. Which, if you asked Michael, was pretty freaking cool. Panic! had been one of Michael’s favorite bands for years.

“So,” the SQUIP had said once it had fully booted up. “Why am I here?”

“Well, um…” Michael had started, trying not to focus on how weird it felt to essentially talk to himself.

“No, don’t speak out loud. Just think. Talking to yourself certainly won’t help you look cool.”

_Okay_ , Michael thought. _I have a crush on someone_.

“Typical. What’s she like?”

_Well. It’s um. It’s a he. He’s my best friend Jeremy Heere. He’s a total dork. But I love him_.

“Okay. Do you know if this Jeremy likes dudes?”

_He hasn’t said anything, so maybe not? I have no idea, to be honest_.

“Does he know that you’re gay? Wait, _are_ you gay?”

Michael couldn’t help but laugh. This freaking supercomputer was more accepting than some real-life humans. _Yes, very much so. And no, he doesn’t, or at least, I haven’t told him_.

“Perfect. Okay, this guy’s your best friend, and we certainly don’t want to jeopardize that. How about you start off by being extra nice to Jeremy and maybe dropping some hints?”

_Hints? What kind of hints? I’m not great at being smooth or subtle._

“Just, like, casually mention how much he means to you, or how much you enjoy spending time with him. That sort of stuff.”

_Okay. I can try that._

“Good. And remember, I’ll be right here at all times, so no need to panic. I got your back.”

Michael had fallen asleep with a smile that night, the empty green plastic bottle resting in his trash can.

 

— — —

 

It was Jeremy’s first day of play rehearsal, and needless to say, he was nervous.

He still wasn’t entirely sure how he’d pulled it off, but he’d been cast in the lead male role. As in, opposite Christine, who, as always, would be playing the female lead.

Of course, since Jeremy was dreading rehearsal, the class periods that normally dragged on seemingly forever flew by in an instant. After what felt like a blink of an eye, the last bell rang and it was time for Jeremy to head down to the auditorium. “Good luck,” Michael told Jeremy at their lockers before they parted ways for the day.

There was still some time before rehearsal was scheduled to start, but Jeremy didn’t have anywhere else to be and figured it was better to be early especially on the first day, so he slowly opened the door and walked inside.

Most people hadn’t arrived yet. Christine stood alone on the stage, the lights highlighting her smile as she bounced on the balls of her feet in anticipation. Jeremy debated slipping back out the door before she could see him, but then her eyes landed on him and there was no backing out.

“You’re Jeremy, right? Jeremy Heere?” Christine asked, her feet still.

“Yeah,” Jeremy replied, walking down the aisle in the center of the auditorium towards the stage. “And you’re Christine Canigula.”

“Yep!” She beamed at him, and Jeremy couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his lips even if he wanted to. She clumsily sat down at the edge of the stage, patting the space next to her in an invitation for Jeremy to join her. “So this is your first production?” she asked as Jeremy tried and failed to jump up onto the stage.

“Yeah, I dunno, I wanted to give it a try I guess.” He finally managed to get onto the stage, less than gracefully, but still.

“Well, you must be pretty good if you got the lead.” Christine, thankfully, was kind enough to disregard the total fool of himself he’d just made. She moved her hair out of her face before continuing. “So, there’s something you should know about me since, yaknow, we’re going to be spending a lot of time together over the next few months.”

“Okay.”

“I love play rehearsal. Like, a lot.” She paused, waiting for his reaction. Jeremy raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “You’re judging me, aren’t you? It’s just the best, okay? I’m really passionate about theater, more than anything else in the world.” Jeremy still said nothing, and Christine sighed, deflated. “You don’t get it yet, I guess, but you will. Hopefully.”

To Jeremy’s surprise, seeing the excitement bleed out of Christine made him want to give her a hug, even though they’d never spoken before and Jeremy wasn’t really the hugging type. That is, unless it was Michael. Jeremy was always the hugging type for Michael. “Hey, don’t worry,” Jeremy said gently, slowly extending his hand across the space between them before resting it on Christine’s shoulder. “Your passion is what got you this lead role, and I hope I’ll find some passion of my own so that I can be the best acting partner I can possibly be for you.” The smile returned to her face, and a warmth filled Jeremy’s chest. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that he really did have a crush on Christine.

Wait, did he?

He was bi. He’d had crushes on girls before.

Could it be…?

He shook his head and tried to focus back in on Christine, who had started talking excitedly again. That was a train of thought for another time.

“I’m really passionate about a lot of things besides theater, but like, I don’t know, I have so many interests that I want to pursue and I can’t imagine being stuck doing one thing for the rest of my life. At least here I get to try playing so many parts, like Juliet and Blanche DuBois… did you see those? They were really some of my best roles. Oh, also, I have a touch of ADD. That’s probably important to mention.” Christine glanced at Jeremy as if suddenly remembering that he was still there. “I don’t know why I’m telling all of this to you, but I guess there’s a part of me that wants to.” She shrugged. “Anyway, rehearsal’s going to start soon,” she finished, grin splitting her face as she nodded at the open auditorium doors and the other cast members entering the room. “We’d better head down there, I guess. Want to sit next to me? I always sit in the front row during play rehearsal.”

Jeremy hopped off the stage and onto the floor much more gracefully than he did going up. “Sure, I’d love to.”

They’d just barely sat down in the first two seats in the front row when Mr. Reyes’s voice boomed down the aisle from the back set of doors from which he had just entered. “What are you all doing sitting around? We should have started ten minutes ago…”

 

— — —

 

“You put your hand on her shoulder? Dude, that’s some progress right there.” It was lunchtime the day after Jeremy’s first play rehearsal, and Jeremy was recounting the events of that afternoon to Michael over Michael’s usual sushi and slushee and Jeremy’s usual turkey sandwich and Coke. Michael had to keep shoving food into his mouth to hide the fact that the news of Jeremy’s successful interactions with Christine didn’t really make him want to jump for joy.

“I don’t even know how I did that, to be honest, bro,” Jeremy replied, smirking as he took a bite of his sandwich. “She’s really sweet, and she really loves play rehearsal. Like, a _lot_. We hung out during our break too and she said that since we have so many scenes together we should meet up after school and work on lines every week.”

“That’s… that’s great. I’m really happy for you,” Michael said, more to convince himself than anything else.

“Is something wrong, Michael?” Jeremy asked, concern written all over his face where the excited glow had just been moments before.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I’m just exhausted from all the homework we had last night. Hey, speaking of, did you finish that math assignment?”

They didn’t talk about Christine any more that day, but while Michael waited in his car for Jeremy to leave play rehearsal, their conversation was all he could think about. _You told me that being extra nice to Jeremy and dropping hints would make Jeremy like me, but instead it made him fall in love with Christine or whatever._

“Okay, cut me some slack, I’ve only known you and Jeremy for a week. He’s even more clueless than I feared.”

Michael rolled his eyes. _Great._

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, young man, I deserve some respect.”

_Do something useful and I’ll respect you, okay? Is there a Plan B we can try since Plan A was such a disaster? Christine’s pretty popular, so maybe Jeremy’s into popular people? Should I try and be popular, too?_

“It’s worth a shot. Let’s go for it.”

_You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?_

“No comment.”

Michael couldn’t help but laugh. _Alright, what the hell. Where do I start?_

“First of all, you _have_ to get rid of that red sweatshirt. It is _not_ doing you _any_ favors —”

“Hey, Michael, thanks for waiting for me!” Jeremy said, drowning out Michael’s SQUIP as he opened the passenger side door. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s no problem at all, dude. That’s what friends are for, right?”

It took all of Michael’s willpower not to let his smile slip on the word “friends”.

_Gosh, I hope this works._

 

_— — —_

 

That night and all through the next day, Jeremy couldn’t take his mind off of Michael. Specifically, how he could possibly tell Michael that he doesn’t actually have a crush on Christine at all and really the person he was blushing for was, well, _him_. There were actually a couple times when Jeremy was tempted to just come out and say it, but he’d just look at Michael’s smiling face and the words would get caught on the tip of his tongue. He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t face the possibility of Michael not liking him back and everything changing between them forever.

So when Jeremy overheard Rich talking in homeroom one day about some kind of computer that made you more chill and told you what to do all the time, he couldn’t help but pay attention.

“Wait, what did you say this thing was called?” Jeremy said, turning around in his chair to face Rich and Jake before his brain could persuade him not to.

“It’s called a SQUIP,” Rich said, his eyebrow furrowing, and for good reason. Jeremy realized in that moment that he’d never had actual conversation with Rich or Jake before. _Well, there’s no turning back now_ , he thought. _Get through this for Michael. Whatever this thing was could help._

“A quick? What the heck does that even mean?” It was Jeremy’s turn to be confused.

“Not quick,” Rich corrected with a laugh. “SQUIP.”

“I’ve never heard of it before,” Jeremy replied, glancing nervously at Jake, who simply shrugged.

“That’s the point, dude, you can’t even look this shit up on the internet.” He beckoned Jeremy closer, so Jeremy leaned forward over the back of his chair as Rich continued, the volume of his voice considerably lower. “It’s from Japan. It’s a gray, oblong pill with a quantum nano-technology CPU inside it somehow. The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and tells you what to do. It’s simple.”

It didn’t seem that simple to Jeremy, but then again, he’d never been good at math or science. “So… it’s like… drugs?”

Rich laughed again. “It’s better than drugs, Jeremy. It’ll help you to be cool.” He cracked his knuckles, making Jeremy cringe. “So, ya want one?”

“Do I want… a SQUIP?”

“Did I stutter? I can get you a SQUIP if you want one. It’ll cost you, though.”

“What the hell, sure,” Jeremy replied, wondering what he was about to get himself into.

“Dope. Meet me under the bleachers after school with the money and some green Mountain Dew and I’ll give you the SQUIP. I’ll even give you the friends and family discount.”

“But we’re not friends.”

It might have been Jeremy’s imagination, but Rich’s cool composure cracked for a second before restoring itself. “So you want to pay more for it?”

“No, no,” Jeremy replied hurriedly. “Friends and family is perfect.”

“Cool, now turn back around before anyone notices us talking to each other. He glanced around at the other students sitting in their homeroom, most of whom had headphones in or worked on last-minute homework that they’d forgotten about the night before. “You’re such a loser, Jeremy Heere!” Rich exclaimed loudly, subtly winking at Jeremy before turning back to Jake as if nothing had happened. Jeremy sighed and turned back around to face the teacher’s desk at the front of the room. He noticed suddenly that she wasn’t in the room and probably hadn’t been for the entire period. Some things never changed.

After another play rehearsal full of successful interactions with Christine, Jeremy grabbed his backpack and rushed out of the auditorium towards the football field at the back of the school. He paused for a moment outside the door to pull a wad of cash and a bottle of green Mountain Dew out of his backpack before slowly walking toward the bleachers. As promised, Rich was there, smoking a cigarette with one hand, the other in his pocket.

“H-hey,” Jeremy said quietly, trying not to hit his head on the metal steps. “I brought the money and the Dew as promised.”

Rich didn’t respond for a moment, and Jeremy soon realized that he was checking to make sure that no one was around before speaking. “Dude, you could have told me that you had play practice. I’ve been waiting here for, like, half an hour.”

“Sorry, I figured you —” He stopped, a smirk growing on face. “You waited here for me?”

“What? No, I waited here because I needed a smoke anyway. Don’t think I give a shit about you, loser.” The smirk fell away as quickly as it had formed. “Anyway, here’s your SQUIP.” He pulled a small box out of his pocket and thrust it into Jeremy’s hand. He grabbed the money out of Jeremy’s other hand and turned to leave. “Good luck with whatever you bought this thing for.” He walked quickly away before Jeremy could thank him.

Should he be thanking him?

Well, he’d find out soon enough, wouldn’t he?

Before he could change his mind, he opened the box, unscrewed the cap of the Mountain Dew bottle, and washed the gray pill down with a swig of fizzy green soda.

The pain hit him before he even knew what was happening. “Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.” The monotonous voice sounded strangely like Keanu Reaves.

“Mild?!” Jeremy exclaimed out loud, folding his arms over his stomach as he keeled over.

“Calibration complete,” the Keanu Reaves voice continued. “Access procedure initiated. Discomfort level may increase.”

It was a miracle that no one else was outside because Jeremy’s screams could surely be heard for miles.

“Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access procedure complete.” Jeremy sighed with relief, finally able to stand up straight again.

“Jeremy Heere, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor, your SQUIP.”

 

— — —

 

The first time Michael noticed that something was wrong with Jeremy was at lunch the next day. He’d gone to their usual lunch table, excited to talk to Jeremy about the new comic book he’d just bought,but Jeremy never arrived. At first he’d just figured he’d gone home sick or had some homework he had to finish, though the fact that Michael hadn’t received a text from him was strange. But towards the end of the lunch period, he spotted him, or at least, someone who looked like Jeremy but, at the same time, didn’t.

The weirdest part wasn’t what Jeremy was wearing or his new haircut.

It was the fact that he was sitting at the table in the center of the room, the one where the popular kids sat. And sure enough, he was with Jake, Rich, Brooke, Chloe, and Jenna, talking and laughing with them as if they’d been best friends for years. Michael hadn’t even realized they were friends at all.

At the very end of lunch, Jeremy walked over to where Michael was sitting. Michael quickly slapped a smile on his face, expecting an explanation from his best friend, but all he got was a moment of eye contact.

Jeremy had just been throwing out the remains of his lunch. He returned to his new table without even a second glance at Michael.

Michael’s heart sank. As much as he’d been looking forward to talking to Jeremy about the new comic, he’d really been anticipating Jeremy’s reaction to his new look. Over the weekend, as per his SQUIP’s advice, he’d abandoned the red hoodie and the headband that he wore to hold back his mop of dark hair in favor of a graphic tee and dark skinny jeans. He’d gotten a haircut, too, and he kept trying to run his fingers through his hair only to realize that there wasn’t much hair there at all.

He didn’t feel like himself, but his SQUIP promised him that Jeremy would like it, and that was all that mattered.

Although, he guessed his SQUIP was wrong once again. Or maybe this was just a weird day. There was really no logical explanation that Michael could think of for Jeremy to be walking around in an Eminem shirt and sitting with Middleborough High royalty at lunch.

Tomorrow, Jeremy would go back to normal.

Or so Michael told himself.

_Should I go after him and ask him what’s going on?_ Michael asked his SQUIP that night as he lay in his bed in his pajamas, the first time all day he’d felt even a tiny bit like himself.

“No, definitely not. Michael, think about that plan for a second. That would require going up to the popular table and talking to your crush in front of them. In what universe would that ever end well?”

Michael sighed. _True. I just don’t get why he’s avoiding me. Did I do something wrong? Is he just trying to look good for Christine? Oh, gosh, I can’t lose my only friend._

“Relax, Mikey, you’re not going to lose Jeremy.”

_Don’t call me Mikey. Ever._

“Then stop worrying so much! Everything will be fine.”

_You sure?_

“Positive.”

Michael nodded, satisfied as his eyelids drooped shut. _If you say so, Brendon._

But as much as Michael hoped for a bit of normalcy in his life, or at least as much as he could possibly get with a literal supercomputer in his mind, everything was far from it. Not only was Jeremy not at his house when Michael arrived to pick him up (Mr. Heere said he’d gotten a ride with Rich that day and apparently would continue to go with him to school from then on), he also didn’t meet Michael at their lockers or pass notes to him during class. And, of course, Jeremy didn’t eat lunch with Michael, or even come near his table at all.

By the end of that day, Michael had made a decision.

If Jeremy didn’t want to have anything to do with him, then Michael wasn’t going to wait around for him, literally or figuratively.

By the time the last bus left the school’s parking lot, Michael’s PT Cruiser was gone.

 

— — —

 

Purposely avoiding Michael every day at school was killing Jeremy. The look on Michael’s face when Jeremy had passed his table on the way to the trash can nearly broke Jeremy in half, but his SQUIP had made sure that he stayed focused on avoiding Michael.

Little did his SQUIP know that he’d only used that particular trash can so he could see Michael for even a moment.

On second thought, the SQUIP probably did know that.

Whenever Jeremy’s thoughts wandered toward Michael and how badly he wanted to just talk to him again, the SQUIP would fill the void in his head and force him to stay the course, to keep playing hard to get, because that was the only strategy that could ever get Michael to like him as more than a friend.

_How much longer do I have to do this?_

“For as long as I tell you to. Just listen to me.”

And Jeremy did, because what else could he possibly do?

The school days that were once spent by Michael’s side were now spent following Rich around, listening to his conversations with Jake, Brooke, Chloe, and Jenna and hoping that he’d find something to contribute before they could forget he was there. His already mediocre grades slipped even more once the time he should have spent working on homework flew by in a whirlwind of texts, car rides, and weekend parties at Jake’s house.

Every night when Jeremy’s head hit the pillow, he was miserable, but at least the SQUIP disappeared while he was asleep, even if just for a little while.

As the days went on, Jeremy began to notice that not only was Michael not trying to follow him to popularity like the SQUIP had predicted, Michael was nowhere to be found at all. He looked everywhere he went for Michael’s favorite red patch-covered sweatshirt before he remembered that Michael hadn’t even been wearing it when Jeremy saw him last. Without that sweatshirt, it was much more difficult to find him in the sea of students that filled the hallways in between classes.

When the truth finally occurred to him, Jeremy wished more than anything that he could unthink it.

_What if I can’t find Michael because he’s_ avoiding _me?_

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the SQUIP replied, and it could have just been Jeremy but it sounded for a moment that the SQUIP’s Keanu Reaves voice wasn’t quite as confident and smooth as it usually was. “Don’t worry about it, Jeremy. Keep playing hard to get and he’ll come wandering right back to you, I promise. Just give it a little bit more time. Everything is going completely according to plan.”

_If you say so_.

It was honestly starting to feel like the SQUIP was taking over his entire life, and he wasn’t sure if he was okay with it.

_If this really does work, it’ll be so worth it,_ Jeremy thought as he drifted through yet another day of avoiding Michael and fake-swooning over Christine. She’d taken to holding his hand and leaning her head on his shoulder during rehearsal; Jeremy wasn’t surprised to find out that she was the type of girl who was very touchy-feely with her friends, and he honestly didn’t mind it too much, to be honest. It kept up the image that he liked her and at the same time led to the realization that he definitely did not think of her romantically, though he was glad they had become close friends. He only wished he could ask her advice about the whole Michael situation, but there was no way he was going to explain all of that to her.

_Hey, Christine, you know how everyone thinks we’re dating? Yeah, I actually really like this guy, Michael, but my SQUIP is telling me to avoid him and play hard to get to get him to like me. What’s a SQUIP, you ask? It’s a computer pill in my brain that tells me what to do but it’s kind of starting to take over my life. What do you think I should do?_

Yeah, that would go over well.

Still, spending time with her gave Jeremy something to look forward to; while the school day felt dreary at best, going to play rehearsal felt like the sun coming out from behind the clouds after a rainy day, bright light and rainbows everywhere. It was wonderful. How Jeremy had ever lived without theatre, he had no idea.

Before long, Jeremy had stopped looking for Michael at all.

 

— — —

 

Michael had lived with his SQUIP for a few weeks now, and he’d had enough.

Nothing was going according to plan with Jeremy; if anything, it felt like Michael had lost him completely. His worst fears were coming true, and needless to say, this was not how Michael had planned for his junior year to go. Now, instead of having one really great friend who he could truly be himself around, he had literally no one. He’d hoped that maybe by not focusing on Jeremy so much he’d be able to meet some other people at school, but no such luck. People already knew him as a loser, and nothing would ever change that, even a cliché popularity makeover.

He was miserable, and he wasn’t going to sit around and let shit happen to him anymore.

_Hey, SQUIP?_ Michael began cautiously. _I get that you think your plan is working and that you’re helping me, but I’m the one who’s actually living your plans while you’re off in the void that is my mind, and no offense, but it’s not working. I hate to ask this, but do you happen to maybe have any other ideas?_

“Hmm,” Michael’s SQUIP replied. “Okay, this is a totally last-resort idea, but I don’t have any other ideas and neither do you, clearly, so we’re going with it.”

Michael rolled his eyes. _Fine. What is it?_

“Forget everything I said about trying to look popular. Put your red sweatshirt back on, but go buy a pride patch and sew it onto your sleeve. Maybe Jeremy will notice it and something will happen?”

_Something will happen? That’s as specific as you can get?_

“As I said, this is a last-resort, S.O.S. kind of situation.”

_Alright, I’ll go find a pride patch. Thanks a lot for getting me stuck with this ugly haircut, though._

“Hey, I think it looks good!”

_It doesn’t._

It was a Friday afternoon, and Michael was home alone with nothing to do since Jeremy obviously wasn’t coming over to play video games with him, so he grabbed his car keys and headed out to the driveway. He started up his PT Cruiser and drove to the Menlo Park Mall in search of a pride patch for his hoodie. After managing to snag a parking spot right by the main entrance, Michael walked inside and ignored the enticing smells of the food court in favor of the Hot Topic store, which was basically a second home to Michael at this point.

“Hey man, what the hell happened to your hair?” the cashier asked Michael when he walked into the store.

“The staff here know you?” Michael’s SQUIP interjected. “Gosh, you’re somehow still even more hopeless than I realized.”

_Shut up_ , Michael said to his SQUIP before responding to the cashier. “Um, I dunno, I guess I just wanted a change.”

He shrugged. “Fair enough. Whatcha lookin’ for today? More patches for your sweatshirt?”

Michael grinned. They really knew him too well. “Yep, I’ll just be in the back with the patches as usual.”

The cashier turned back to the customer checking out in front of him and Michael retreated to the corner of the store with all of the patches. After a few minutes of browsing and picking up some extra patches while he was at it (there was no way he was just going to buy one patch), he found a single rainbow flag patch. _Is this what you had in mind?_

“Yeah, that works. Go check out before you end up spending all of the money you have on new patches.”

_Actually, I spent all of my money on you, but sure._

Michael headed over to the checkout line, averting his eyes while the cashier rang up his patches so that he wouldn’t see the inevitable look of judgement in the cashier’s eyes when he saw the pride patch. But to Michael’s pleasant surprise, he didn’t even hesitate for a moment. Michael couldn’t help the grin on his face as he paid and left the store. Who knew being proud of who he was could feel this good?

That night, he sewed all of the new patches onto his sweatshirt, admiring his handiwork when he was finished. He was happy with the result, and he could only hope Jeremy would notice it, too.

At school on Monday, Michael stopped by his locker as many times as possible in the hopes that he would find Jeremy, but either Jeremy wasn’t in school that day or Michael had terrible timing because he was never there. Finally, after the last class of the day, Michael headed back to his locker to put away the books he didn’t need for his homework that night. As soon as he rounded the corner, though, he froze.

Because there he was. Jeremy Heere.

Holding hands with Christine Canigula.

For the first time in weeks, Jeremy locked eyes with Michael; as soon as Michael saw Jeremy’s eyes widen in what he assumed was shock (had he noticed the pride patch?), Michael ran down the hallways, not even caring for a second about the extra weight in his backpack in his rush to get away from Jeremy.

He might have been imagining it, but he thought he heard Jeremy call his name.

As much as he wanted to turn back, there was no way he was going to with Christine there. Michael may have loved Jeremy, but he loved seeing Jeremy happy more, and if he was happy with Christine, Michael was not about to interfere with that.

Michael was a true and loyal friend, even if the person he was being a true and loyal friend to wasn’t much of one himself, at least not anymore.

Out of breath from running, Michael rushed out to the parking lot and practically jumped into his car and threw his backpack onto Jeremy’s seat, barely giving the ignition a moment to start up before putting his car in drive and slamming on the gas.

Parking his car in his driveway and looking over and seeing only his backpack in Jeremy’s seat was the last straw in his already highly emotional state. The tears he’d been holding back since the day Jeremy had told him that he liked Christine finally broke through and poured down Michael’s face. Heaving sobs wracked his body as he leaned his head against the steering wheel, causing the horn to honk loudly, which, for some weird reason, only made him sob harder.

To its credit, the SQUIP didn’t even try to interrupt.

Once his panic attack passed thanks to the help of a solo round of Mario Kart, he resolved to confront Jeremy against all of his SQUIP’s “expert” advice and tell him the truth. He’d tried to force himself to be strong, but he truly was nothing without Jeremy, and he’d give anything to even have Jeremy back as a friend.

It took a few days for Michael to keep his promise to himself, but finally Michael managed to catch Jeremy leaving play rehearsal after school one day alone.

“Hey, Jer, can we talk?” Michael asked him quietly, leaning back against his locker.

At first, Michael wasn’t sure if he’d heard him despite the hallway being completely empty, but then he stopped walking, waiting for a moment before turning around to face Michael.

“Michael, what are you doing?” Brendon Urie’s voice filled his head once more, and not in the good way like when Michael blasted his favorite Panic! at the Disco album on repeat.

_Nope. Not today. Get out_ , Michael replied before focusing back on Jeremy, who now wore a pained expression on his beautiful face. He scrunched up his face in concentration for a moment before shaking his head and walking up to Michael. “Sure, but let’s go into an empty classroom or something. I’m trying to avoid Christine. As much as I love her, I need a break from her, yaknow?”

Avoid _Christine?_ _Did he just say “love”?_ Michael’s head was swimming but he nodded and followed Jeremy into a dark classroom a little bit further down the hall.

Michael closed the door firmly behind them as Jeremy flipped the light switch up and the lights flickered to life. “Alright, what’s up?” Jeremy asked, turning to face Michael and putting his hands into the pockets of his black bomber jacket. _Since when did Jeremy wear bomber jackets?_

Michael couldn’t help fidgeting as he tried to figure out what exactly he should say to Jeremy. He probably should have thought about this in advance, but whatever. There was only the here and the now. “Okay, I’m just going to come right out and say it. Why the hell have you been avoiding me? Ever since you told me you liked Christine you’ve been acting really weird. Did I do something wrong? If I did, I’m sorry, I never wanted to do anything but support you.”

Michael subconsciously reached his hand up to the shoulder where he’d sewn the pride patch and Jeremy’s eyes followed. “Is that a pride patch?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“What? Yeah, but that’s not the point. Can you please just explain why you’ve been avoiding me, Jeremy?”

Jeremy averted his eyes, looking down at his feet instead of at Michael’s face. In that one motion, he’d become the old Jeremy again, the one who was most content when he was playing Apocalypse of the Damned with Michael on Friday nights, not the one who wore Eminem shirts, skinny jeans, and cool jackets.

“Michael, there’s something I have to tell you.”

 

— — —

 

Jeremy’s SQUIP was practically screaming at him, but he just couldn’t hold the truth back anymore. “Michael, I lied to you. I never had a crush on Christine.” He took a deep breath. “I have a crush on you, and I have for a long time.”

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed. “So why did you totally ignore me and start dressing like that? Why would you ever think I’d like you better that way? And why were you holding hands with Christine?”

Jeremy couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t know if you’ve ever met Christine, but she’s the most touchy-feely person I’ve ever met. Seriously, I was friends with her for like a day before she started leaning her head on my shoulder and stuff. I initially only started talking to her and hanging out with her to keep up appearances for you, but she’s really great and I love being her friend. Play rehearsal has become a highlight of my day. Actually, a lot of people do think we’re dating, but I’m not interested obviously and I don’t think she is either. She seems pretty content just being in love with play rehearsal. As for why I started ignoring you and why I’m dressed like this,” he looked down at his outfit, disgusted, “well, that’s a little more complicated. See, Rich told me about this thing called a SQUIP —” Michael groaned, and Jeremy looked horrified. “What?”

“No, you finish, and then I’ll explain.” Jeremy could tell he was either trying not to laugh or not to cry. Or both?

“Okay. So I got this SQUIP thing to help me be good enough for you, which by your reaction, I’m assuming you know what exactly it is.” Michael nodded to confirm. “So it told me that for me to have any chance with you, I had to be more chill, I guess, like act cooler and hang out with the popular kids and stuff. I didn’t really think it was right about that, but I didn’t question it. I’ve been miserable though, Michael, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. But yeah, the point is, I’m in love with you. Oh, also, I’m bi. That’s probably important to mention, too.”

Michael grinned. “Alright, I guess it’s my turn then,” he said, taking a step closer to Jeremy. “I got my SQUIP about a week before you told me that you liked Christine.” Jeremy couldn’t help but snort at how ridiculous it sounded when Michael said it out loud. “I got mine for the same reason you got yours.”

“So that you’d be good enough for yourself? Because don’t be silly, you already are.”

“No, you dork, so that I’d be good enough for you.” Jeremy gasped audibly, and Michael blushed. “Yeah, I’ve had a crush on you for a long time, too, and I’ve just been too afraid to tell you. But anyway, my SQUIP told me at first to just be extra nice to you and tell you how much I appreciate you, which is why I got you a slushee that morning when you told me about Christine. Seven Eleven never has buy-one-get-one slushee sales. I made that shit up. But since you were clueless as ever, my SQUIP told me to stop wearing my red hoodie and get my hair cut short in an attempt to look cooler.”

“So that explains the new outfit, then. And the haircut.” Jeremy smirked.

“Shut up, dude. It’s terrible, right? I hate it, too.” _Take that, SQUIP._ “But yeah, my SQUIP also told me to play hard to get, so I was avoiding you, too. It really sucked. I was really lonely.”

“Did your SQUIP tell you to get the pride patch, too? That wasn’t there before, right? Or am I that oblivious?”

Michael laughed. “No, that’s new. You’re not quite that bad. My SQUIP did tell me to get it, yes, but I actually really love it.” Jeremy grinned. “But yeah, I just got so frustrated with this whole situation and couldn’t take it anymore. So here we are. I’m in love with you, too, you dork. And I’m gay. So gay. But only for you.”

They were both grinning now, just happy to be back to normal, well, better than normal. Before Jeremy knew what he was doing, his feet were moving him forward, closing the small gap between them, and he stood on his tiptoes to kiss Michael.

Michael tensed up for a moment before kissing Jeremy back enthusiastically. Jeremy gently rested his hands on Michael’s waist as Michael wrapped his arms loosely around Jeremy’s neck.

In that moment, everything was perfect, and all of the agony of the past few weeks with the SQUIP was more than worth it.

If only they hadn’t been so clueless so they could have avoided the SQUIPs completely.

They broke apart, Jeremy leaning his forehead against Michael’s, both of them breathing hard. “You really need to grow your hair back out,” Jeremy said softly. “I miss the headband, and I can’t run my fingers through your hair if you don’t have any hair, dude.”

“I’ll get on that as soon as I can, babe,” Michael replied. Jeremy’s face was redder than Michael’s sweatshirt.

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, Jer?” Michael asked once they had finally separated. He reached for Jeremy’s hand, not able to be apart from him now that they had finally reunited. “Want to go on a date with me this Saturday?”

“Dude, _yes_! I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear you say those words. What did you have in mind?”

Michael grinned.

 

— — —

 

That Saturday, Michael took Jeremy out on their first date. At around noon, Michael pulled up to Jeremy’s driveway in his PT Cruiser for the first time since that morning when Mr. Heere told him Jeremy had gone with Rich instead. Jeremy slid into the front seat and kissed Michael on the cheek, both of them grinning like idiots.

“So where are we going? You still haven’t told me,” Jeremy said as Michael backed out of the driveway.

“You’ll see in approximately ten minutes,” Michael said, not speaking for the rest of the drive and instead humming along to the radio. He knew that Jeremy was rolling his eyes at him but it was all out of love.

As promised, about ten minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of the Menlo Park Mall, the very place that had started it all. “The mall? Really, Michael? You’re a horrible boyfriend.” Michael’s heart skipped a beat. Actually, multiple beats. “Oh shit!” Jeremy covered his mouth when he’d realized what he’d said. “I didn’t mean that. I mean, I did. I mean, I want to be your boyfriend, but only if that’s okay with you? Shit, how did I manage to screw this up already?”

Michael took both of Jeremy’s hands in his own once they’d gotten out of the car and Michael had locked the doors. “Jeremy. It’s okay. I would love nothing more than to be your boyfriend.”

“Okay, then, _boyfriend_ , why are we going on our first date at the Menlo Park Mall?”

“It’s significant, I promise. If you really don’t like it I can take you out for dinner another time, but I want you to hear me out first. And even if you do like this date, I can still take you out for dinner. So either way, we’ll go on a cliché dinner date.” He let go of Jeremy’s hands for a moment. “Hold on, I just need to grab something.” He opened the trunk and pulled out a plastic bag from Spencer’s Gifts.

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. “Michael.”

Michael raised an eyebrow in response. “Jeremy. You ready?” He held out his hand.

“I sure hope so.” Jeremy took it and they swung their hands between them as they walked into the mall, not caring who stared at them.

Michael led Jeremy to the Ben and Jerry’s stand at the food court. “First, we’re getting ice cream, and then I’ll explain this,” he said, holding up the Spencer’s Gifts bag. “Get whatever you want. It’s my treat.”

They’d been there so many times together that Michael could have ordered Jeremy’s two scoops of Fudge Brownie in a cup with M&Ms for him, but he was just content to watch the smile on his boyfriend’s face as Michael slid his arm around Jeremy’s waist while the cashier rang up their ice creams. “Enjoy your date, boys,” she said as she handed Michael his receipt. “Nice patch, by the way. I should tell my girlfriend to get one.”

After informing her that he’d found it at Hot Topic, Michael led Jeremy over to a table in the food court. They sat across from each other and ate their ice cream in silence for a moment before Michael set the Spencer’s Gifts bag on the table. “So.” Jeremy looked up at him, smiling softly. “Before I got my SQUIP, I did my research on how to get rid of it should I ever want or need to, because let’s be real, there was no way I would put a freaking computer in my brain without finding out how to get rid of it. I found out that since green Mountain Dew activates it, Mountain Dew Red shuts it down. Of course, Mountain Dew Red was discontinued in the 90s. But I have my ways.” He pulled two small bottles of Mountain Dew Red from the plastic bag and set one in front of Jeremy and one in front of himself. “I figured it would be a perfect first date activity to get rid of the thing that kept us apart once and for all. There’s no use having the SQUIPs around now that we’re together, right?”

“How did I not even think about looking that up? This is why you’re the smart one in the relationship.”

Michael laughed. “Sure, whatever you say, Jeremy.” They both unscrewed their bottle, each one fizzing as they took the caps off. Michael took Jeremy’s hand again, both of them holding their bottle of Mountain Dew Red in the other.

“Cheers,” Jeremy said, and they laughed as they tapped their bottles against each other.

“Okay, on the count of three, we say goodbye to our SQUIPs,” Michael said.

“One, two, three.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: while rosmarine was editing this, I told her that I had no idea if Seven Eleven (7/11? I don't know. I've been there literally once.) actually has buy-one-get-one-free sales on slushees. I totally thought I'd made it up. BUT NOPE. Like an hour or two later, I saw an article on Facebook about how there is a sale exactly like that happening literally this week. But oh well. They're fake in this universe. Michael made them up. Maybe he gave them the idea.
> 
> Thank you to Ned Vizzini for creating these characters and to Joe Iconis, Joe Tracz, and the whole cast and crew for bringing them to life onstage. I couldn't be more excited to see the production in just three days!!
> 
> That being said, please don't share anything with me about the dialogue or anything that was changed for the new production. I want to be surprised : )
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! Find me on [tumblr](http://justwannabeafangirl.tumblr.com) if you'd like : )


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